The Problem with Shame and How to Own It - The Conversation in Our Heads
Posted on 8th June 2023 at 08:15
Have you been holding onto a secret for a long time? A feeling that no matter what you do or successful you are, you’re never good enough. You may feel different, an imposter, shameful. You may not know who you are or what makes you happy.
Shame is a powerful emotion that can have a profound impact on your mental and emotional well-being. It arises from a perceived failure or a deep sense of never feeling good enough despite achievements. Often it manifests as a deep sense of inadequacy, unworthiness, social anxiety, relationship co-dependency, and controlling, obsessive or compulsive behaviours. It’s a destructive force that hampers our career performance, personal growth, relationships and health.
The Conversation in Our Heads:
Shame thrives within the conversation we have in our negative self-talk, distorted beliefs, and comparisons with others. We tend to ‘big up’ our flaws and mistakes, whilst discounting our achievements. This inner dialogue erodes our self-esteem. That critical voice in your head is not to be trusted it’s informed by unresolved trauma, others shaming words, or unmet child development needs.
So could this be you? Why not try my imposter test: https://www.yourtruefreedom.co.uk/imposter-shame-test/
The first step in owning shame is acknowledging its presence. By recognising the moments when shame arises, we can begin to separate ourselves from it and understand that it does not define us.
Counselling helps you to explore the underlying causes, release it, manage triggers and reframe your perspective. Self-compassion, challenging negative beliefs, and practising vulnerability help us ditch that critical voice
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