Not feeling good enough - Feeling alone - Don’t know who I am - Don’t like myself
To the outside world you will look happy, confident and successful however underneath you are making all efforts to compensate for and hide feelings of vulnerability, low self-worth, shame, not feeling good enough and aloneness. Often you will not be sure about who you are or what makes you happy, you may also be a perfectionist and you will often hear a negative critical voice in your head.
Parents/caregivers have often been loving, caring and providing but things have been incorrectly perceived by you whilst you were still emotionally developing as a child and often for the following reasons...
You have hidden core limiting beliefs about yourself based on buried and hidden assumptions about the world, others and yourself made in childhood when you felt powerless and these still remain frozen in time in your subconscious mind. These were mistakenly adopted in childhood as if they were real facts.
These are informing and driving a number of survival techniques you devised as a child in order to avoid further painful feelings/trauma. Perfectionism, controlling, judgementalism, bullying, addictions, people pleasing, mask wearing, eating disorders, addiction to guilt, commitment phobia, not talking about how you feel are just a small selection but there are many other ways too.
Your inner voice is critical, judgemental and a demanding task master. This voice isn’t even yours – it is an amalgamation of voices you heard as a child but you listen to it as if it were your own.
You may choose toxic and unhealthy relationships that further affirm your unconscious limiting beliefs about yourself.
You may have been badly betrayed by an adult partner and this trauma leaves you feeling worthless and rejected.
Our main parent or caregiver didn’t/couldn’t offer you stability or safety due to depression, being unwell, addiction, relationship break up or their own mental health issues (emotionally unavailable).
Your parents placed more value on what you achieved rather than who you are. They may have been demanding, critical, unconditional, aloof, absent or have learned this from their parents
In the very early years of life you did not receive unconditional love and or did not feel safe to trust your parent or caregiver. Children need this to develop a sense of their own worth and the ability to trust themselves and others.
Children will often blame themselves for the trauma of physical or sexual abuse as if they deserved it because they believe they must have been bad or worthless.
How we can help
Therapeutic Counselling will help you to get to the root of these sometimes painful and/or confusing feelings and beliefs and why you feel and do what you do, it will help you make sense of what has happened to you and also help you safely release any painful feelings and often out of date or misinformed limiting beliefs safely once and for all. An advantage of Therapeutic Counselling is that once the work is done you will no longer need to have counselling again.
Using expertise, tools, experience and insight as a professional qualified Counsellor drawn from over 10 years of success with clients we know the right questions to ask you, really listen and learn all about you and your life and then we use special tools and techniques best tailored to your situation and personality to help you draw out the answers and understand what has happened to you and why you feel and behave the way you do now.
Then we identify what is getting in the way of your happiness and help you to safely release those painful feelings and get rid of those limiting beliefs which are colouring your perception of yourself, others and the world around so that you can move forwards, feeling happy inside, know who you are, feel calm, confident, in control and have the life you really want.
How we will deliver these results for you
Weekly 50-minutes high-quality online video calls with you (working towards your desired outcomes).
Sessions are structured and include detailed history taking.
Using an integrative approach with interactive, creative, talking therapies We are able to draw on a range of techniques and approaches tailored to suit your personality and needs.
Techniques and creative tools to both recognise and release painful feelings Identifying and releasing emotional wounds frozen in time currently in your subconscious mind.
Various types of journaling,
Drawing tools and writing tools
Physical techniques and tools
Anchoring new beliefs and overcoming habits (NLP) and other exercises.
And many more
All explained clearly and sent direct to you via email.
Can you Trust us?
By choosing a fully qualified BACP* Registered Member and National Counselling Society Accredited Counsellor recognised by the NHS you get the following as standard:
30 Counsellor hours of mandatory continuing professional development each year.
The Latest informed approaches in Counselling/NLP
Your Counsellor reports in to and is monitored by a Supervisor to ensure the Counsellor is fit to practice and in adherence with the Code of Ethics of the Training body of your Counsellor.
Compliance with the Data Protection Act 1974 and GDPR. Password protected online meetings and secure data storage.
Full Professional Indemnity and Public Liability Insurance
A clear understanding of the professional boundaries and sanctity of the Therapeutic Relationship only exists within the counselling session and safeguards the client.
*(British Association for Counsellors and Psychotherapists)
Book Your Initial Consultation
If you would like to book an initial consultation to discuss your situation, what you want to achieve and learn about how Therapeutic Counselling can specifically help. We look forward to seeing how we might help you.
Case Study – Raoul (name changed)
Raoul, a bright graduate hauled himself into my waiting room - tired sunken eyes downcast and turned away. Since he was 8 years old, he had experienced a terrible sense of being a failure, not good enough and he suffered with extreme social anxiety and no friends. Very self-critical he was afraid I might judge him or think him silly for asking for help. I explained to him about how trauma can affect the brain’s early warning system and these affects combined with deep personal feelings of shame and fear experienced through childhood bullying had caused his limiting beliefs about himself and his social anxiety.
During his sessions I encouraged him to imagine a resourceful, assertive, articulate version of himself and revisit some of his childhood shame scenes via Visualisation where he had the chance to re-do the scene and handle it differently and say what he had always wanted to say. He was also able to give his feelings of shame back to the school bullies who had given them to him. Releasing painful suppressed subconscious feelings, identifying & debunking limiting beliefs, rescuing his school age self frozen in time in his subconscious mind and finally sticking it to the bullies in visualisation restored Raoul’s power and control again and having expressed his anger he found his voice and confidence.
Afters sessions Raoul no longer associated with a victim mentality nor cared what other people thought of him. Raoul now knows who he really is and feels at peace with himself, living his life with integrity and a clear sense of meaning and purpose. He has since changed career to something that makes him happy rather than what others wanted for him and he now has started to build up some friends. He is young and so still at the start of his journey but now he can see his own value and is no longer afraid.
Raoul no longer lives in the UK.